You're gonna love my nuts.
Hi, it’s Vince here. You probably know me from such commercials as ShamWow and SlapChop. You may have heard, I recently got arrested on a felony battery charge following a violent confrontation with a prostitute in my lavish South Beach Setai hotel room. Here’s the real story. I picked up this bitch Sasha at a Miami Beach nightclub. All I told her was to stop having that boring drink, stop having a boring life, and that she would love my nuts if she came home with me. Next thing I know she is blowing me on the couch of my $750 hotel room. I told her she was going to have to purchase a shamwow from me for $19.95 just to clean up the mess on her face. She got angry. She leaped at me, bit my tongue and wouldn’t let go. This was after I gave that bitch a grand after she propositioned me for straight sex. I punched her several times until she released my tongue. Then I took a spare slap chop I had laying around and slapchopped her tits and face while screaming “Linguine, fettucine, martini, bikini!” I took a shamwow and tried to strangle her. She yelled “ShamWOW!!” with an elbow in my face. I ran to the lobby bleeding where they called the cops. That bitch refused to cooperate with the officers, but they were able to recover $930.05 of my money. Even with the absorbent power of the ShamWow it took 3 just to soak up all the blood.
Via thesmokinggun
FLASHBACK Slap Chop Commercial
